The Musical

The school Anthony goes to has an annual schoolwide musical in Spring. They started it last year and performed "The Lion King". I was a little skeptical, but went to see it anyway by myself. It's just emotionally overwhelming to watch those special needs kids performing because I'm often not sure if they are aware of what they are doing.

アントニーの通う学校は昨年から、年に一度のミュージカルを始めました。学校中の生徒が参加するミュージカルですが、この学校は障害者特殊学校。ちょっと複雑な気持ちでの鑑賞体験なので、観に来る家族は心なしか少なかったりします。

This year's production was "The Little Mermaid", and the performance was last week.
Marcus is currently off track, so I took him with me this time. Before we arrived, he asked me if the show was going to be good, and I told him that it would be cute and sad at the same time. When the show started, Marcus whispered to me that it was indeed cute and sad.
Most of the students who played the main characters used an iPad or some other speech device for their lines since they were physically unable to speak. About the half of the cast were on their wheelchairs and the teachers/therapists pushed them around the stage. Again, it's just so heartbreaking to see all of those kids. Not that I'm pitying them. Watching them makes me think about their families, and that touches me so deeply. It's really hard for me to hold back my tears. I saw one dad who was filming the performance wiping away tears as well.

昨年は「ライオンキング」で、今年は「リトル・マーメード」。昨年は私１人で見に行きましたが、今年はマーカスの学校がお休みだったので2人で行きました。出かける前にマーカスが、「（ミュージカルの出来は）どんな感じ？」と聞きましたが、「微笑ましいけどちょっと哀しい感じかな。」と答えました。会場に着いてミュージカルが始まった後、マーカスが私にそっと耳打ちして「その通りだね。」って。
生徒の半数ほどは車椅子で表情からは参加しているのが理解できているのか分からない様子、そして主役の子供たちはコンピューターの発声器具を利用して台詞を言うという姿に心打たれるとともに、それぞれの子供たちの背後に親＋家族の苦労と愛が感じられて、見ていて辛くなるのです。泣かないように涙をこらえながら観ていると、横でビデオ録画しているお父さんが涙を拭っているのが目に入りました。やっぱり感じる事は同じなのかな？

I was waiting for Anthony's class's appearance, and getting ready to film it. When they came out to the stage, we didn't see Anthony. Then, I felt a tap on my shoulder and saw the principal, and she handed me a note. It said, "Anthony is having a hard time so he stayed in his classroom."
It didn't surprise me because all of his classmates were wearing costumes and makeup. Anthony doesn't do well with those, so I suspected that he probably got upset and tried to remove them. Marcus looked very disappointed, and I was too. Still, it was OK. I'm used to this kind of disappointment, so I tried to stay calm. I felt bad that Marcus had to experience this. I was glad though that I didn't invite anyone else (like, Rio, my husband, and my mother-in-law) to the program.

プログラムによると次がアントニーのクラスの番だったので、ビデオに撮ろうと準備していたら、同級生が皆登場したのにアントニーの姿がありませんでした。マーカスが「アントニーは？」と聞くので「いないね、どうしたのかな？」と答えていると、誰かが私の肩をたたきました。振り返ってみると、校長先生が立っていて、私にメモを渡してくれました。メモには「アントニーは荒れているので教室に残っています。」と書いてありました。
舞台で踊っている同級生たちは皆コスチュームを来て、特殊メークも少しだけしていたので、アントニーはきっとそれが嫌で機嫌が悪くなったのだろうな、と推測。そんな事は初めてじゃないので驚きはしなかったのですがやっぱり残念で寂しかったです。マーカスも横でしょんぼりしていて、その姿も可哀相で、一緒に連れてきて悪い事をしてしまったなと後悔しました。

After the show was over, we went to see him in his classroom. He wasn't there, and I was told that he was in a different room with Jeff (a great teacher who handles Anthony extremely well). One of his teacher aides, Dan, who is in charge of Anthony daily, walked with me and told me what had happened. Anthony was fine this morning for the dress rehearsal, performed very well in costume and makeup, but when they were going down to the stage this afternoon, he took off his costume, and didn't want to put it back on. He went wild and shoved Dan in his face. Dan said that he found out later Anthony needed to go to the bathroom because he wet his pants after that incident.

ミュージカル終了後、アントニーの様子を見に教室に行くと、アントニーは別の教室にいると言われました。先生の話によると、午前中にあったリハーサルではコスチュームもメークも嫌がらずに付けて、舞台でもちゃんと頑張ったそう。でも、午後の本番前ではコスチュームを脱いでしまい、なだめる先生を叩いて荒れてしまったとの事。その後、お漏らしをしてしまったので、きっとトイレに行きたかったみたいです。 先生は「コスチュームを着る前に、トイレは大丈夫かと一応聞いたのですけれどね。」って申し訳なさそうにおっしゃっていましたが、先生のせいじゃないですものね。

When I saw him with Jeff, Anthony was sitting on a big beanbag. His eyes were so red from crying, and he seemed still on the edge. I sat next to him, and started talking to him while stroking his hair, saying "Anthony, how are you? I heard you did really well at the performance this morning...", then I just couldn't stop crying. I don't usually cry so easily, so I'm not sure why I was so emotional. When it comes to Anthony, I'm always blocking the emotions because it is easier that way. I know that might not be the best way to handle it, but otherwise, its just too painful. Anyway, I think watching the musical shook me emotionally, so I was more vulnerable than usual. It took me a while to stop crying, and I was grateful that the teacher didn't react to it at all. Maybe they are used to seeing the parents becoming emotional.

別の教室にいたアントニーは、泣き止んでいたものの目は真っ赤で、まだちょっと機嫌が悪そうでした。 彼の傍に行き、頭を撫でながら、「アントニー、大丈夫？朝のリハーサルでは頑張ったんだってね。」っと話しかけ始めたら私の方が涙が止まらなくなってしまいました。アントニーの事ではいつも感情を押し殺しているような所があるので、いったんそのネジが緩んでしまうと止められなくなってしまうのです。きっと、ミュージカルを鑑賞した後で感傷的になっていたのですね。なかなか泣き止む事が出来ず、困ってしまいました。

Anthony wanted to come home with me because he didn't want to let go of my hand. I drove our smaller car to the school, so I couldn't take him home with me. It is too dangerous to drive with him sitting next to me while he is still upset. The teachers told me that it would be fine to leave him and they would handle him. Dan said, "If he's going to blow up, it's better here than anywhere else, especially in your car." I left quickly without saying good-bye to him so that he wouldn't get upset. I felt so bad because he obviously really wanted to come home with me. I felt like a selfish, uncaring mom. Later when I got home, I received a phone call from his teacher and she told me that Anthony left school by bus and was in a great mood. She also said that the school filmed the morning dress rehearsal so they would try to give me the copy of it. That's so nice of them. Everyone at his school cares about each student and his/her family. I'm so grateful for that.

リオを学校に迎えに行く時間になったので、帰ろうとしたら、アントニーは私の手を握って一緒に帰りたい様子でした。でも、彼はまだ少し苛立ちが治まっていない様子だったので、助手席に乗せて運転するのは無理そうだったので困っていたら、先生達が「車で荒れたら大変だから、下校時間が来たらバスに乗せますから大丈夫ですよ。気にしないで。」と言ってくれました。それでも私の手を握るアントニーの手を離して、彼が見ていない隙に教室からでるのは心が痛みました。
リオを迎えに行ってから帰宅すると、 先生からアントニーは落ち着いてバスに乗ったので心配しなくても大丈夫ですよ、と電話がありました。アントニーの学校の先生はそういった考慮をいつも忘れない、良い先生なのです。本当に感謝です。

Anthony came home smiling as though nothing had happened. It is quite impossible to know what he is thinking, but I hope he knew that I was there for him and  I love him as much as I love Rio and Marcus.

帰って来たアントニーは笑顔で何事もなかったような顔をしていました。彼が何を考えているのかは本当に謎なのですが、私がミュージカルを見に行った事、そして、私にとってアントニーもかけがえのない大事な存在なのだという事を判ってくれているといいな、と思います。

Here is the picture of Anthony on Vehicle Day at his school a few days ago. His teacher took this picture and sent it home for me. He looks very happy, and that makes me so happy as well.

この写真は、先日学校行事 でトラックや消防車など体験できて嬉しそうな様子を先生が撮ってくれたもの。アントニーが嬉しそうだと私は本当に嬉しくなります。